He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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