I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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