Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
