i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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