Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
