my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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