i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
