I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
