i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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