i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
