Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
