Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
