i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
