Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
