I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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