i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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