I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
