At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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