just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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