Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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