That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
