I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
