Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
