We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
