Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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