first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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