Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
