thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
