i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
