im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
