i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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