she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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