So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
