Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
