I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
