just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize