Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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