The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize