just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The struggles of a small town man whore
Randomize
