Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
