TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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