i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize