i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm passing your future prison.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
