please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
