y did u give ur computer a hand job?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
