I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
