I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
