Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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