You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That accounts for only three of the penises
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
