So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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