he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ugly people sure do ruin things
In America we eat man semen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
