I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
