My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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