i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
