Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
