Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
