Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
