Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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