How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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