We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize