Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
