Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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