if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
