Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
