How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
