Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize