i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
