She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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