I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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