What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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